Wednesday, July 19, 2006

What's an emergency alarm for?

On 17 August 2006, Java was hit by tsunami again. In less than a year, this natural calamity has claimed another 300 innocent lifes. Amidst claims that the countries in the Pacific have teamed up to sound emergency alarms should there by a possible danger of tsunami when the crater shakes. Amidst news that various countries actually held emergency drills three months ago, to educate their civilians of how to escape when a tsunami strikes.

It's ironical how life can get. Just when we thought that such unnecessary casualties can be prevented, it strikes again. And this time, it happened again because the Indonesian authorities withheld the need to inform the civilians of the possible tsunami after the earthquake happened.

"We have indeed received the warning from the Japanese meteorological unit.....telling us of the quake. But what happens if we inform the public and there is no tsunami?" An Indonesian officer was quoted.

Stupidity.
Ignorance.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Crazy about reading

It's one of those periods that I have turned to reading to seek some pleasures in life.

I have consecutively finished three novels -- The kite runner, Harry Potter and the half-blood prince, and Tuesdays with Morrie, all in 2 mths. I would say they are all good read. Though Harry Potter seems so bland and so typical best-seller after I had read the kite runner. I don't know if my tear ducts are hyperactive these few days or what, but each and every moving sentences in the Kite runner and Tuesdays with Morrie are enough to send my tears welling up. I have to put down my book quickly and calm myself down before continuing my read (lest the other bus passengers think I am a weirdo).

It has been a long time since I am so deeply touched by what is written in the book (especially if you are a research student and most probably should be numb like me after reading all those scientific journals). I think the trip down to Borders on that particular evening was a fruitful one ( I spent 80 dollars on that single night!). Shopping therapy, apparently =)

Next on my reading list....Marley and Me.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Strike lottery!

Happy!! =D

Strike lottery for the latest collaborative works done with Shanghai JiaoTong!

90% accuracy for HOPE isn't that bad after all....and some more that 10% error was most likely due to my judgement.

So glad that all sounds hopeful for HOPE...starting to feel good about it.

Hopefully I am not rejoicing too early....hmmm

Nevertheless, give myself a pat on the back and "Good work!" =D

Friday, June 16, 2006

15 June 2006

I've cleared a hurdle on this day.

But after the hurdle, lies a mountain to scale.
Fraught with difficulties, and equiped with nothing but an empty mind,
I was forced to make the first step towards a never-ending journey.

Perhaps I should have made a U-turn back before the hurdle....
Or maybe I could have kicked the hurdle down and refuse to walk any further....
Or I should have chosen an alternative path which may not have this hurdle....
Dampening thoughts at the point of time when you are pushed beyond your limits.

Now that I have walked so far. What's the journey in front of me going to be like?

Monday, June 12, 2006

Monotonous life

Oh my monotonous life...

I always feel that if kidnapping is rampant in Singapore, I will be an extremely easy target...though not worth a high ransom.

Everyday (Monday to Friday): Wake up at 645am, leave home at 710am, walk to tiong bahru along the same path, catch bus 33 (a Watsons commercial bus) at 725am, sit the same old seat right behind the bus driver, reach school at 810am, feed my fish, log in hunger website, play the cooking game, start work at 9am, and then lunch at 12-1pm, and then lobo around, sleep at 1140pm (or earlier)...and the cycle continues.

Everyone knows how boring I am. The people in the lab knows I can only be at tuition if I am not here in the lab by morning. Ah duh...I better think of ways to surprise myself. Too much routine isn't good. Hey, I am a sagittarius afterall!

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Dreams again

Yet another dream I had...

" While I was trying to separate my pets (soft-shelled turtle and my fighting fish), my turtle's flap was hooked onto a hook at the bottom of the tank and it ripped apart. Flabbergasted, I quickly put it into a separate tank. And when I looked closer, its head had dropped off. Blood oozing out and turning the water red."

A very disturbing dream that I had after talking to boss on the same day...

"Dream dictionary:
To see turtles in your dream, suggests that you will make slow but steady progress. You need to slow down and pace yourself. Alternatively, it indicates that you are sheltering yourself from the realities of life.
To dream that you are being chased by a turtle, indicates that you are hiding behind a facade instead of confronting the things that are bothering you."

***********************

How very true indeed....

I was trying to shelter myself from the realities of life...living in a state of self-denial.
I was the turtle and boss ripped apart my shelter. His words were sincere and true. But they were those that I had subconciously feared.
He never fails to make me feel bad of myself. Never.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

A day of rest

I gave myself one day to straighten out my thoughts....

I thought I finally realized what was making me so unhappy for my whole life.

"All that we are is the result of what we have thought."

I was unhappy because I thought I was unhappy.
I was unhappy because of the immense amount of jealously, hatred and anger embedded within my innermost soul.
They consumed me. And they controlled my thoughts.

I saw my own reflections from the people around me.
For a moment, I despised those reflections.
I was angry with them.
I hated them.
Without realizing that I was hating myself as well.

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal; you are the one who gets burned."

I am still clutching tightly to that hot piece of coal, very much like a child who is unable to give up her very precious toy...

May I be enlightened.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Post GE2006 sentiments

Met up with my friend yesterday over dinner and had a nice chat with her before we went for our movie. Since the hottest topic in these past few weeks evolve around GE2006, I made a casual remark to her about the surprise I had when I found that most of my labmates are rather anti-PAP. To my surprise, she exclaimed that she thought I was one too. I was caught offguard. Scratching my head, I asked her why she thought so. In her view, self-opinionated people like me do not believe in PAP and would have found faults with their policies.

That simple remark set me thinking. In fact, it fell in line with a quote I saw on CNA. To my best recollection, George Yeo said,

" Generally voters can be categorized into two groups-
The first group is the English educated. They fell into either the above-middle to high income group. Patriotic people but are generally unhappy with PAP policies.
The second group is the Chinese educated, falling into the low to middle income group.....These people are the staunchest PAP supporters."

Are PAP supporters really portrayed as a group of yes-men? People without any opinions? If that is the case, perhaps it may explain why young voters who happen to fall in my age group, are more than willing to cast their votes in favor of the opposition.

"We need more opposition! I don't want all yes in the Parliament!"
"I will vote for the opposition! Regardless of WP, SDP, SDA! As long as it is opposition, I will vote for them!"
"PAP all one kind one!"
"PAP always sue the opposition and made them bankrupt.....that's worse than assassinating the opposition!"

The above comments were some of the many I have heard. I felt like rebutting each one but of course, politics is sensitive. Everyone has their own political ideologies. But to these people, I would like to encourage them to step out of Singapore.

Go to Cambodia, Vietnam or Myanmar. Give some thoughts on why these countries, given the abundance of human and natural resources, remain poor till today.

Or look at Indonesia. Why is the removal of fuel subsidies * destined to failure throughout the entire Megawatti period?

All these boiled down to a weak central government. As a result, what they have is a bureaucratic structure that is rampant with corruption and nepotism.

In Singapore, without natural resources and a large population, can we afford a weak central government when we first build our nation from scratch in 1965? SM Lee believes a strong government and no voices of opposition must be the way to set things going. And that we did. A nation built up from scratch in a span of 41 years. Of course times have changed now. High-handedness and oppression alone can no longer work. People want democracy and liberty in our political arena. This is a fact that PAP must recognize.

Who says Singaporeans are politically empathetic? They aren't. I support the presence of oppositions too. But only those of good calibre. I do not support oppositions for the sake of opposing. And no one can change my mind about this.


*Side note *
If you have been following that news, the fuel subsidies have always been a heavy burden to the Indonesian government and has led to many years of national income deficits.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Pissed pissed pissed

Pissed with EVERYTHING!!!!!!!

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Affinity

Affinity.

From various background and having different circles of friends, affinity has brought us together at some point of time. You may have known someone for a very long period of time but just do not get along so well with him/her. On the other hand, you can feel so comfortable with another person to the extent that you feel as if you have known him/her for a long time. That's affinity. A pre-arrangement made.

I don't want to sound as if I believe in destiny and is passive about what is happening to me and to my life. But I truly feel that everything happens for a reason. The reason may not be so apparent at this particular point of time but it will ultimately reveal itself when the time is ripe. No matter how hard I try in a thing and if it doesn't work, I may fret and sulk. But upon giving it some thoughts, I seek solace in the fact that it may not work because of an unknown reason. Perhaps an alternative way/method would allow us to reach the ultimate goal instead....

Life is very much like the snake and ladder game, isn't it?

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Disillusioned

Some random thoughts of the past few months.

The life of a workaholic seeks pleasure in every bit of work done.
Imagine someone who went through a 4h flight just to have a one and half day meeting with his ex-boss. Imagine someone who left Singapore with a satisfied smile after having discussed so many and having his bag packed with tonnes of workload.

**************************

Research originates from the existence of a problem.
Research is triggered off by the urge to solve the issue.
Research persists because of the many hypothesis, visions and stubborness of scientists.
At the end of the day, research disillusionizes many.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Dedicated to shit Part 2

Wow, there was an immense number of comments for my previous post. Some gloat while the others console. Just goes to see the kind of friendship we share in the lab...tsk tsk.

Anyway, just to digress a bit, I am a social escort for this past week. Yesh, you heard it right. Social escort---- a term given to me by our Dear Ms WSW. But it's alright, the "client" is a nice lady. Had to accompany her in the lab as well as for meals. A bit the sianz too. Just hope Friday comes soon...but anyway even after she leaves, the collaborative work will still continue. Duh.

Back to the topic, Boss seems to know I have a lot of things to do. That day Melayu and I were discussing one of our projects in boss' office. I took the chance to try to deflect A's project to CK. Boss however gave a rather reluctant face and said that I am more familiar with the entire process (I was thinking of course not! I wasn't even dealing with silicon wafer at all!). I guess my expression shows how tormented I am. So boss asked me to prioritize my work and I daringly said I had lost my ability to do so with so much work piled up (but of cos not in a fierce tone lah, or else I wouldn't be here writing this entry).

And as if a miracle had happened, boss started asking me what my work list was and sat down there telling me which and which to do first. Even though that stupid schedule means doing A's project FIRST. Shitty. But I guess it was REALLY something you seldom see from our boss...if you know what kind of person he is.

Whatever...I guess the shit is solidified and stuck. Time to clean up the mess.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Dedicated to shit

What the bloody hell?! Why does it have to be ME time and again? It doesn't help that I am now the most junior one around in the lab and therefore almost every piece of shit work is tagged with my name.

1. Write a proposal to get a grant from A*STAR
(Boss said: because it is associated with your proposed topic and will serve to enhance your thinking process before your qualifying exams)

2. Do multiplexing for Bacteroides spp. using HOPE technique
(reason not specified, just do it.)

3. Do optimization of template length in HOPE
(Boss said: Why did I ask you to do it?? I can't remember....)

4. A's expt on micro-pillars
(Boss said: You are more familiar with the hybridization and quantification blah blah...so can you help out on this? It's going to be very fast. Perhaps one week?)

5. To take over J's bead based microarray stuff
(Boss said: I am getting a bit sick of gel pad. Anyway it is still microarray)

6. Fecal indicator, waterborne pathogens, marine water workssss
(Boss said: You still have THREE more years, you should look at different systems, different gene markers blah blah)

etc etc etc etc

What a piece of S.H.I.T i am!

Friday, March 24, 2006

Think more, do more, say less

Do you always do a self-check of what you say?

I notice that people usually don't do that and the end result is that their words often sound very ironical.

Think more, do more, say less.

Three key rules to gaining recognition and respect from others.

Friday, March 17, 2006

My peaceful life?

I want my life to be as peaceful as possible. I don't really wish to care as much as possible....if possible.
Don't get me involved in things. I prefer to be neutral.
Don't force me to think of things other than what is required. I prefer to rest my brain.
Don't make me worry or feel sad unnecessarily. Life is already sad enough and does not require people around you to make it even sadder.
Don't ask me to stop being an optimist for I am forcing myself to be one.
I just hope to have a peaceful life. A monotonous, dull and boring one.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

The centrifuge killer

Why me again?! I'm really super uber suay to the infinity!!

The first centrifuge spoilt when my student and I were trying to concentrate our products in a Microcon spin column. I was chatting with my fellow colleagues when I suddenly smell something burning and I very oh-so-casually asked them if they smell it to. Then the whole power tripped. I didn't even know it was due to the centrifuge as I thought it might be the laminar hood that was left on for the whole day. So I carried the centrifuge to the other lab and there! The power tripped again! The centrifuge is dead.

Just when I thought this is enough for the week, here comes the second shock. The other centrifuge that I was using exploded loudly when I was trying to elute my PCR amplicons in a Qiagen purification column. Yes, you heard me right. Explosion! Somehow, the lid flew out of its centrifugal force path and collided with the walls of the centrifuge machine. When we finally manage to open the lid, all we see were debris. Luckily, we have another spare lid and the machine still works fine. So we continued using the machine like before, lest with extra caution.

But as if the second shock is not enough, after another 3 days where it presumably looked/behaved normally, I was given another explosion. Darn. Why must it always be me? I am very sure I had everything checked. Darn. And this time round, the machine registered an error and refuses to work.

Boss is going to kill me for sure. I am sooooooo traumatized now.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

My lab work

I recount the numerous incidents I had encountered toxic or carcinogenic substances....

When I was in Finland doing my attachment, being an ignorant fool who only first encountered molecular microbiology research, I unsuspectingly took up every task the Finnish master student told me to do. I always wondered why they don't like to prepare the paraformaldehyde fixative. I always wonder why they make me prepare it instead. And soon, I knew. That sweet smelling gas emitted when paraformaldehyde powder dissolves in hot water is a devil in disguise. An excerpt from the Material and Safety Data (MSDS) sheet reads:

Paraformaldehyde
Experiments with animals suggest that this material may act as a carcinogen. Ingestion may be fatal. May cause heritable genetic damage. May cause irreversible damage to sight. Corrosive. May cause skin or eye burns or irritation. Can cause severe burning of mouth and stomach. Harmful by inhalation, ingestion or skin absorption.

Darn....but that's not all.

When I was back in Singapore after my attachment, I continued my studies in biofilm studies. My research requires me to prepare tonnes of acrylamide, together with Temed. And both are equally potent.

Acrylamide
Toxic. Possible human carcinogen. Possible teratogen. May cause heritable genetic damage. Readily absorbed through skin. Inhalation may be fatal. May cause CNS damage. May cause damage. The effects of which become apparent only after a delay of several months or years. Skin, eye and respiratory irritant.

TEMED
Corrosive. When inhaled, it is extremely destructive to tissues of the mucous membranes and upper respiratory tract. Symptoms may include burning sensation, coughing, wheezing, laryngitis, shortness of breath, headache, nausea and vomiting. Inhalation may be fatal as a result of spasm inflammation and edema of the larynx and bronchi, chemical pneumonitis and pulmonary edema.

And to make things worse, I remember once while I was preparing the nutrient broth at the weighing machine counter, the ignorant fool in me decided to do commando by not wearing gloves and went to pick up a spatula stained with some reddish brown powder. I am praying and praying till today that it is not ethidium bromide....please.

But some stupid idiots in our lab this year decided to disregard the safety of us all. The carelessness and simply bo-chupness in handling ethidium bromide is enough to kill us all. Just to list some examples: dipping the pipette into a bottle filled with ethidium bromide, staining the casting gel rack with ethidium bromide and spilling ethidium bromide all over the fume hood. For that person, please take a look at the MSDS:

Ethidium Bromide (EtBr)
EtBr is a potent mutagen (may cause genetic damage), and moderately toxic after an acute exposure. EtBr can be absorbed through skin, so it is important to avoid any direct contact with the chemical. EtBr is an irritant to the skin, eyes, mouth, and upper respiratory tract. It should be stored away from strong oxidizing agents in a cool, dry place, and the container must be kept undamaged and tightly closed.

I am scared. Really scared. I don't want to die so young. Any insurance companies willing to insure my life??

Friday, February 24, 2006

Bloodsuckers

If you have been following my post, you may recall there was one particular entry talking about the donation of blood Malaria pills and blood donation,well...i think i got an overdose of blood donation in my dream last night. And guess who's the "nurse" in charge of inserting the needles into my veins??

Presenting my boss, the infamous bloodsucker! I think I am deeply traumatized by the recent events. Though I always adopt a "none of my business" attitude, but I think I am quite traumatized with the way he treated one of my seniors. The senior involved is someone whom I think can definitely make it as a qualified and good PhD student. But alas, my boss doesn't think that way...

Anyway, back to that dream, I actually had that stupid dream of my boss making me donate 3 full packs of 500ml blood. I also remember him telling me to close and open my fist to make the blood pump out faster. All the normal procedure of blood donation. Only this time,having me donate out 1.5L of blood at a single time is enough to make me die. To me, a dream can never be apt enough. He's sucking our life day by day...just like that dream. But the main consolation is that at least I die faster in my dream, not like what I am experiencing now...a slow and torturous journey.

4 more years to go! Jiayou!!

Monday, February 20, 2006

There's an idiot out there!

There must be an idiot out there, someone without brains and thinks through the ass!

Initially, that idiot called me once every two weeks, using an anonymonous line and will always start off by asking " Hello...XX blah blah there?", in a Filipino/ foreign worker accent. I will say politely that you have gotten the wrong number, thinking that it's some innocent person who might be so illiterate that he/she cannot read numbers.

But what the hell! This morning, while I was concussing on the bus, that idiotic pea-brained called me not once, but 7 times! I rejected 4 times and shouted in his/her ears " I've said you called the wrong number!!" 2 times. Alas, that idiot kept harassing me! I've turned off my mobile but hey, IT is my number! What if some other important calls need to come through and my mobile's flat because of that bastard?! Totally shit!

Advice(s) ?

Sunday, February 05, 2006

A personal insult

I think I may have overreacted. I don't know why. But I thought it was definitely an insult from a student.

Comments that student had given were e.g. " She told me that the color of the aqueous copper sulphate is blue. It should be green!" and " She needs to refer to a textbook to answer my questions."

For this smart alec, aqueous copper sulphate is indeed blue in color. Cu2+ is blue in color and sulphate ion which is not a an ion from a transition element has no color. If you need evidence, look at this text below, taken from www.chemguide.co.uk


Why is copper(II) sulphate solution blue?

If white light (ordinary sunlight, for example) passes through copper(II) sulphate solution, some wavelengths in the light are absorbed by the solution. Copper(II) ions in solution absorb light in the red region of the spectrum.
The light which passes through the solution and out the other side will have all the colours in it except for the red. We see this mixture of wavelengths as pale blue (cyan).





Source: www.cp.umist.ac.uk


And do you expect a normal person to know and recall EVERYTHING from the book offhand? And what is wrong about referring to the textbook so as to confirm my answer and make sure I don't tell you the wrong thing?

Smart alec. I am angry for being so angry and upset over the comments from a smart idiot. I quit immediately.