Sorry Popo

I lost Popo because of my carelessness. I forgot to close the windows in my study room after petting the stray cat outside. That morning when I woke up, I thought something was amiss as neither Filfil, Kaykay nor Popo were around my bed. I went down to check and saw Filfil rushing over to greet me but Kaykay and Popo were nowhere in sight. I discovered to my horror the open window and Kaykay looking at me from the outside. I ran out and managed to shoo Kaykay back into the house. I hurriedly closed the window and went around the house calling Popo. Eventually I saw him at the window sill but when I open the window to try to let him in, he got freaked out and ran away. At night, I saw him again, tried to grab him and he ran away again. I have not seen him since....

He's a silly cat who likes to stick close to me at night while I prepare myself for bedtime. Once I fell asleep, he always likes to position himself on top of my legs to sleep. When I wake up at night to use the toilet, he will wake up and again stick close to me when I laid down again. When I comb through Filfil's fur, he always wants to be part of the action, and he will jump up onto the drawer and make sure he is placed between Filfil and I. He is the "glue" among all five cats as it seems that all cats like him. He can initiate play fights without pissing off any one of them.
I fed him when he was still a young stray hanging outside my garden. The first night I lured him into my house, he was scared stiff and started shitting everywhere. It took some time for me to divert him into the safe room and for him to calm down. He is afraid of the sounds from TV and because of that, I never switched on the TV since I got him.

I feel that I have failed him. I took him in and wanted to give him a forever home. I thought of how he would cope if I were to fly him back to SG. Now, all these seems like it's not going to happen.

I got this from the internet as I am trying really hard to overcome that sense of immense guilt. And I thought this nicely captures my current emotions and thoughts.

Whatever the circumstances, because of the uncertainty involved, this experience can be a most devastating kind of loss, in some ways even worse than a death. That's because you have no idea what happened to your dog, whether he is living or dead, suffering or at peace, homeless and wandering as a stray or living with somebody else. 

The feelings associated with this sort of pet loss are the same as if your dog had died, such as sorrow, longing, denial, anger and guilt. But this grief is also complicated by your own need to keep hope alive, which constantly interrupts or delays the process and makes it far more difficult to resolve. It is like harboring a wound that cannot heal.

I have no idea where Popo is, whether he is living or dead, hiding somewhere scared stiff or being ran over by cars, at peace or suffering, well-fed or hungry, found someone who took him in or wandering around homeless.

He's my silly Popo, and I miss him so much. I hope wherever he is, he will be safe and find his way home eventually. Please, Popo. Just please appear, let me catch you and bring you back to the house.