Trying to move on but can't seem to be able to do so

People around me have been asking me to move on after the rejection from NTU. But once in a while, I can't help but think back at how I totally screwed up my chance during the interview. I was just a noob at that time. I should have planned my research directions in a more logical manner, and perhaps drafted out my presentation slides even though I wasn't asked to do so.

I think my depression stemmed from the fact that I really wanted that NTU job. It was a job that allowed me to stay in SG and start off my career in a relatively good academia atmosphere. So I couldn't really find any excuse for myself when I blew it up (so badly). They say when you have a 50-50 chance in the final round of interview, it is already good enough. But it sucks when you are second, and they only want the first.

I started checking the NTU and SCELSE website every now and then. Today, I saw the other candidate's profile on the webpage. And it hit me then at that point, that the deal has been sealed and he is already back in Singapore to start his career.

How could I even describe that guttering feeling inside me?

The caged bird

The door to the cage was opened.
But the bird that spent its past 5 years in the cage did not know what to do.
The master prodded the cage and asked it to fly away.
But the bird hesitated, unsure of the future.
It's time to leave the comfort zone, he says.
Was it gratitude, sadness, or anxiety that was stirred up in the bird's mind?
Casting the last glance back, the bird wonders if its clipped wings can really bring it far.